


The Game is Afoot

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Callieroxy - Freeform, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Funny, Homestuck - Freeform, Humanstuck, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Murder, Murder Mystery, Murder Mystery AU, Secrets, Trans Female Character, davekat - Freeform, dirkjake - Freeform, rosemary, so i fixed the end and made it homestuck fanfiction, so now it's just funny, this fic is kind of based off of a movie called knives out i watched but didn't like the end of, this was supposed to be a serious fic but i can't write serious stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22011550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jake English, an eccentric billionaire, has been murdered before a party he arranged where he planned to make an announcement. Terezi Pyrope is hired to find the killer and bring them to justice. But nobody has an alibi and everybody has a motive and Terezi's not a great detective. The weirdly large yellow and purple clock is counting down. Can Terezi find the killer? Probably. But you'll have to read to find out how she does it.
Relationships: Calliope/Roxy Lalonde, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jake English/Dirk Strider, Jane Crocker/Gamzee Makara, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, vaguely implied in like one sentence one sided jake/jane
Comments: 12
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is pretty short, but the next few will be longer.

Jake English, eccentric billionaire and husband to Dirk Strider, was dead. Terezi Pyrope didn't know this, but she probably wouldn't have cared if she had. She was a private eye, and she only cared if she was paid to care. She arrived at her office and grabbed her mail, hoping for a new case. Business had been slow lately and she was bored. Noticing a cream envelope sealed with wax, she dropped the rest of her letters and tore into it. Terezi pulled what seemed like an incredible amount of cash from the envelope, as well as a letter written in fancy script. She scanned it quickly and suddenly, Terezi cared about the death of Jake English.

Terezi punched the numbers at the bottom of the letter into her phone. It rang once before someone on the other end picked up.

“Hello?” The person on the other end asked in a beautiful, smooth voice Terezi recognized. Rose Lalonde. The same Rose Lalonde who sent her the letter.

“Hi. It’s the private eye you sent a letter to.” Terezi responded.

“It’s a pleasure to talk to you, Terezi. I trust you’ve accepted my case, as you’re calling me now?” Rose got straight to the point.

“Yes.”

“Wonderful. Would you be able to start working on it right away?”

“Yeah. First, could you tell me about English’s death? I’ll need some context and the news isn’t exactly reliable, especially when it comes to celebrities.”

“I’d prefer not to discuss it over the phone. Confidentiality and all that. If you wish, you can come to Dirk and Jake- Well, just Dirk’s house now I suppose. I can gather everyone who was present when Jake died if that would be helpful.”

“Yep. I can’t exactly solve a murder without talking to the suspects.” Terezi deadpanned. “You of all people should know that.”

“I suppose. Just come to 20 Nottingham drive at 10 am on Sunday.” Rose hung up before Terezi could respond.


	2. Chapter 2

Terezi exited her car and looked up at the extremely tall and large house in front of her. God damn, she thought. This place looks like the house from Clue. No wonder someone got murdered here. It’s a surprise nobody was killed here before. She walked up the steps to the large frosted doors, which swung open before she could reach the handles.   
“Good. You’re here.” Rose stood in front of her. “We’re all in the lounge. Feel free to join us.” Rose turned sharply and walked away, prompting Terezi to follow her. The house was large, and they walked for what seemed like an hour before reaching a lavishly decorated room with a couch and a lot of chairs. Rose sat down, completing the arrangement of famous people occupying the chairs and couch, people Terezi had heard of but never expected to meet, much less in these circumstances. She scanned the room.   
In the farthest chair to the left sat John Egbert, acclaimed actor and brother to Jake English. He starred in a variety of movies, most of which Terezi thought were dumb.   
Next over was Kanaya Maryam, who was married to Rose. Both were famous, with Rose slightly more so, although Kanaya was an up-and-coming fashion designer.   
Sitting next to her, examining her lipstick in a compact mirror was Rose Lalonde, Dirk’s sister and a famous author of mystery novels. Terezi actually enjoyed those books.   
On the couch in the middle sat three people. The person on the left was Jane Crocker, who essentially worked as the CEO of the Crocker Corp, although Jake had technically been in charge. She had her arm wrapped around what appeared to be a homeless clown who… wait. Terezi recognized that homeless clown.   
“Gamzee?” She asked.  
“Terezi?” He responded. “I thought I’d never see you again.”   
“I hoped that would be the case.” She mumbled. She didn’t exactly care for Gamzee. They had gotten to know each other in college, and he had always been someone she avoided if possible. Thankfully, he had dropped out halfway through.  
Next to him was Jade Harley, the least famous member of the family. Terezi only knew about her from her Wikipedia, which only existed because she was Jake’s sister. Terezi had learned that she bred dogs for a living, something confirmed by the small white dog sitting on her lap.  
The chair to the right of the couch contained Dirk Strider, Jake’s husband as well as a therapist and acclaimed inventor. He was crying softly. She thought so, at least. It was so damn hard to tell behind those stupid pointy shades she knew he always wore.  
Beside his chair were two chairs pushed together to allow the two occupants to hold hands. Roxy Lalonde, a Youtuber who specialized in gaming and her girlfriend Calliope, a somewhat popular artist. Roxy, who currently was engaged in conversation with her girlfriend, was Dirk’s sister. Terezi had also learned through some fancy computer work (looking her up) that she used to have a thing for Jake.  
In the final chair on the right were two people. Karkat Vantas, an acclaimed politician was actually sitting on the chair. Dave Strider, a guy with a sort of popular blog, was sitting on his lap. Gross, thought Terezi. She knew that Dave and Karkat were sort of known for PDA, but she hadn’t expected it to be this bad.

Rose interrupted the awkward silence Terezi didn’t know she had created. “Everyone, this is Terezi. The private investigator I hired. Terezi, this is everyone. I assume you know most of us.” Terezi nodded. “Good. I’ll get right to the point. Jake English is dead. I found him in his room last night. I believe he was killed.” Everyone flinched slightly at this. Terezi assumed it was one of the things nobody had bothered to talk about but everybody knew was true. “Before his death, he invited us all to a party where he said he planned to make an announcement. I’m not sure what the announcement was, but I assume it was important to his death. We all decided not to involve the police in this matter. With all of our fame, it would be a disaster. The only people who know about Jake’s death are in this room. We need you to find out who killed him. To do this, you have full permission to go anywhere in the house and talk to any of us.”  
Terezi’s response was simple. “Cool. I’ll go look around. You guys should probably stay here.” She walked off.


	3. Chapter 3

After leaving the lounge, Terezi immediately reentered it. “Um,” She asked, “where’s the body?”  
Rose sighed. “Follow me.” She commanded and walked out of the door. Terezi followed. Again. God, she was tired of not knowing where to go. They reached an intricate wooden door. “This is Jake and Dirk’s room. Jake was killed here. His body is still there. I’ll return to the lounge if you don’t need me to help you find any more bodies.” Rose left.  
Terezi threw open the door and JESUS CHRIST that really was a body. Surrounded by blood. Fuck, what had Terezi gotten herself into? She entered the room cautiously. Lying on the bed was Jake English, who was definitely dead. He was impaled by a katana, and a really shitty looking one at that. There was blood near his head, which Terezi thought was strange, as the katana wouldn’t have splattered blood there. She then noticed the pot, covered in blood, which had shattered next to Jake’s head. She leaned in closer to inspect it and noticed that it wasn’t blood. It was ketchup. Strange.  
She continued her investigation by looking at the floor. Two things caught her attention. Another unbelievably shitty katana and a small, glittering cufflink. She picked up the cufflink and pocketed it. She tried to examine the katana, but it was wedged into the floor. Next, she lifted up the blanket slightly to look under the bed and oh god nope nope nope nope. She quickly put down the blanket and stood up. God. She wasn’t sure she would be able to look at Dirk the same way ever again.  
Terezi cleared her throat and looked at the rest of the room. Above the bed was what looked like a bullet hole. She inspected it. Yep, it was a bullet hole with a bullet lodged inside. Where did it come from, though? She turned back to the door. Sure enough, there was another bullet hole. She wondered why she didn’t notice it before. She scanned the room once again to make sure she didn’t miss anything. Nope. The only other things in the room were a fireplace and a dresser. A different detective would look in the dresser, but Terezi was not making the same mistake she did with the bed.  
Terezi left the room, went down the stairs, wandered around the house lost for a bit, and finally reached the lounge again.  
“I’m done investigating.” She announced. Everyone looked up from their conversations. “I’d like to interview each of you now. Both as couples and separately. Starting with Rose and Kanaya.”  
“Where would you like to interview us?” Rose asked.  
“The drawing room.” Responded Terezi  
“We don’t have one of those.” Dirk interrupted.  
“The conservatory?”  
“This isn’t Clue. Try again.” Rose looked annoyed.  
“The study?”  
“We actually have one of those. Good job. It’s down the hall and to the right”  
“Great. Thanks.” Terezi walked to the study.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italicized parts are flashbacks to the party

“So. What can you two tell me about the night of the party?” Terezi was sitting in the study, staring down Rose and Kanaya, who were sitting opposite to her. 

“Jake sent all the members of his family invitations to a party at his house. We were allowed to bring a plus one, so I brought Kanaya. We arrived at five, along with everybody else. 

_The night was warm and Rose, wearing a stunning black dress from her wife’s newest collection, was walking arm in arm with Kanaya up the steps to Jake’s house. Rose politely knocked on the door, which was opened by Jake, with Dirk hanging onto his arm_

_“Welcome! Come in!” Jake exclaimed, swinging out the arm not occupied by Dirk in a dramatic fashion. Rose stepped in and Kanaya politely thanked Jake for inviting them. Rose did the same._

_“Of course! What would my party be without my husband’s dear sister and her wonderful wife? Now please, come into the lounge. Everyone else is already here.”_

_Rose followed him to the lounge despite already knowing the layout of the house. Already there and in a lively conversation were all Jake’s siblings and Dave, as well as their plus ones. Calliope was also there, but Roxy was strangely absent. They greeted her as she and Kanaya walked in. They sat down on the couch, Rose’s hand on Kanaya’s._

_“Wow. Rose and Kanaya. Watch the PDA.” Dave grinned, and Rose sighed._

_“Shut up, asshole. Do you even see what we’re doing right now?” Karkat wasn’t wrong. Dave had managed to drape his leg over Karkat’s lap and wrap his arm around his shoulders in a very casual pose that contrasted with the formal suits they were both wearing. Karkat looked annoyed but Rose knew he didn’t care._

_“Whatever. You know you love me.” Dave smirked._

_“Dave, shut the fuck up before I divorce you.” Dave and Karkat continued their argument before they were interrupted by Jake, who was still standing there, clearing his throat. Rose noticed idly that Dirk was no longer at Jake’s side._

_“Dave, could I talk to you for a moment?” He asked, gesturing to the hallway._

_“Yeah, sure man.” Dave left Karkat’s side, for what Rose assumed was the first time that evening._

_The conversation dried up after Dave left. Rose attempted to get it back on track by saying, “Callie, where is Roxy? I assume you two came here together.”_

_“She’s in the kitchen.” Callie smiled. “You know her. She seeks out alcohol like a moth to a flame.” Rose smiled politely. Of course. She knew her sister’s habits. She wondered why she even bothered asking. From there, the conversation fizzled out. They sat in silence, Rose mentally working on her next novel. Jake returned with a slightly upset looking Dave. Dave sat down next to Karkat. Rose noted the lack of touching between them. Something must really have upset him._

_“Jade, may I speak with you?” Jake’s attitude seemed not to be changed. If anything, he looked happier._

_“I...I suppose.” Jade smiled uneasily, probably having noticed Dave’s change in attitude as well. Nevertheless, she walked with Jake into the hallway. With Dave back in the room, even with his change in demeanor, the conversation quickly picked back up._

“So he pulled both Jade and Dave aside to speak to them?” Terezi broke Rose out of her flashback.

“Yes. I asked the other party guests if he did the same thing with them. He did, but only his or Dirk’s siblings.” Rose answered.

“Did he talk to you?”

“No. Not that I minded. From the demeanor of those he did speak to, I wouldn’t have wished to receive one of those conversations.”

“I seem to remember a certain woman who wouldn’t stop analyzing why Jake chose her brother over her for a conversation.” Kanaya teased.

“Touché” Rose smiled.

“Could you keep telling me what happened?” Terezi asked, impatient.

_Rose saw neither Jake nor Jade until a few minutes later, when they came back downstairs. Jake announced it was time for dinner, and everyone filed into the dining room. Even Roxy came out of the kitchen, clearly already drunk, and sat down. Dirk, however, was missing. Rose found this odd. Dirk never missed an opportunity to spend time with his husband, and he certainly never missed a social gathering. Before they started eating, Jake stood up and said that he was going to make an announcement after they ate. Rose greatly enjoyed her meal._

_After they finished their food, they still sat there, talking. Slightly after eating, Jake retired to his room, claiming he had a stomach ache. The chat continued. John left shortly after Jake, claiming that he had to use the restroom. About a minute later, everyone heard a loud crash from upstairs. A moment later, John came running down._

_“Are you okay?” Asked Jade._

_“Yep!” He responded, slightly flushed in the face. “I tripped on the stairs.” He sat back down and the conversation continued like nothing had happened. A bit later, Jade excused herself as well._

_“I’m going to take Bec for a walk, and see if Jake wants to practice shooting with me.” She walked upstairs. After a bit, they heard a gunshot. Everyone assumed Jade and Jake were just out on the shooting range. Strangely, however, they only heard one gunshot. Some time later, Jade returned with Bec._

_“Where’s Jake?” Jane asked._

_“Oh, he wasn’t feeling well so he went back upstairs to rest. You know how he is.” Jade smiled._

_Both Jane and Roxy left the table next. “It’s wiiiine o’ clock!” Roxy cited as her reason, slurring her words slightly. She made a beeline for the kitchen._

_“Where are you going, Jane?” Gamzee asked._

_“I’m going to check on Jake.” Jane said in a matter of fact tone. “He hasn’t been downstairs in a while. I should make sure he hasn’t died or anything.” Roxy returned around five minutes later, looking much more sober than before._

_“Callie, I think we should get going. This was fun but we really need to go.” Roxy said slightly anxiously._

_“What? Why?” Calliope asked, visibly confused._

_“Because I have to do stuff!” Roxy grabbed her hand._

_“I didn’t know you called Callie stuff.” Dave wiggled his eyebrows and smiled. Karkat smacked him._

_“Well, goodbye I suppose.” Calliope said as she was practically dragged out the door by Roxy._

_“Bye, have a fun party!” Roxy shouted._

_Jane returned after Roxy. “How’s Jake?” Dave asked._

_“Hm? Oh, he’s fine. You know him, overdramatic as always.” Jane looked distant. “Where’s Roxy?”_

_“She had to leave early.” Rose replied. The next to leave were Dave and Karkat. Dave whispered something to Karkat, and Karkat glared at him. Dave smiled, and Karkat sighed. They both stood up. Dave mumbled something about needing to use the bathroom. He then grabbed Karkat by his tie and they went upstairs. A few seconds later, everyone heard a loud thump followed by a string of curses. An uncomfortable silence descended on the group. Jade broke it by mentioning how lovely the wine was, and the others agreed and continued to make polite conversation until Karkat walked back down the stairs alone, looking much less put together than before. Everyone stared at him while he sat down._

_“Where’s Dave?” Rose asked._

_“No clue. The dumbass said he had something to do and just left me.” Karkat adjusted his tie. Dave walked down the stairs a few moments later, somehow looking more disorganized than Karkat. Rose raised a single manicured eyebrow at him. He smiled back at her and started a conversation about his blog and his plans to make it into a movie._

_Rose, the final person to leave, did so after the party had all but died down. She went to search for a book in the house library, going upstairs to do so. She passed Jake’s room and figured she might as well check on him. She opened the door and screamed. She closed the door and continued screaming, the others gathering around her. She refused to let them see into Jake’s room. “STUDY. NOW.” She managed to choke out._

“So we all gathered in the study and decided not to tell the police about it. Naturally, I texted Roxy about it. Then, I contacted you. That’s all there is.” Rose concluded her story.

“Did anybody tell you why they left the table? Other than their weak excuses, I mean.” Terezi asked.

“No. I didn’t have time to ask.”

“When did you next see Dirk? You mentioned he was missing for a while.”

“Today, actually. I have no idea where he was for most of the night.”

“Other than the people you mentioned, did anybody else leave the group’s sight during the night?” 

“No.” Rose replied. “If anybody killed Jake, it was one of the people who left during the dinner party. Dirk, John, Jade, Roxy, Jane, Dave or, of course, Jake himself. I suppose either Karkat or I could be counted as suspects, but neither of us were alone long enough to murder someone, and why would I scream upon discovering the body if I were the murderer?”

“One more question, Rose. How did Jake die?” Terezi was going out on a limb.

“He was impaled by a sword.” 

“Kanaya, do you have anything else to add?” Terezi inquired.

“No. Rose summed up my view of the evening very well.”

“Thanks.” Terezi waved them out of the study. “On your way out, could you send in Calliope and Roxy?” Rose nodded and took Kanaya’s arm as she left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somebody posted a comment talking about what they thought was going to happen in this fanfic and I'd just like to say thank you to that person! It totally made my day to hear even one person talking about my mystery. If anybody reading this wants to make me like five million times happier, feel free to leave a comment theorizing about my fic! And thanks for reading this hella long chapter. You guys rock!


	5. Chapter 5

“What happened the night of the party?” Roxy and Calliope were now sitting across from Terezi.

“Ok. So. We got there sort of early. Only John was there before us. 

_The night was young and Roxy, wearing a dress with a suit jacket, was walking toward her brother Dirk’s house. In one hand, she held a bottle of wine she brought for the party. In the other was her girlfriend Calliope’s hand. Callie knocked on the door and Dirk answered._

_“Hey guys, come on in. Jake’s talking to John right now.” Dirk smiled almost imperceptibly._

_“Heeeeey, Dirky! I brought wine!” Roxy grinned and held up the bottle she brought. “I’m gonna go get a glass from the kitchen and drink it.” Roxy went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass, immediately pouring herself some wine. Instead of going to the lounge, she stayed in the kitchen, sipping wine and scrolling through her phone. She only left the kitchen when it was time to eat._

“Oh! Roxy, dear, whatever was that crash we heard come from the kitchen? I forgot to inquire about it” Calliope asked.

“It was nothing, I just slipped on some wine I think I spilled on the floor. I was fine. No need to be worried.” Roxy squeezed Calliope’s hand.

“Did Jake ever talk to you about anything? Rose mentioned he pulled aside some people for conversations.” Terezi questioned.

“Ummm yeah.” Roxy looked slightly uncomfortable.

“What did he say?” Calliope looked confused, like Roxy hadn’t told her about it before.

“I think he said something about not liking Dirk anymore? It’s not important.” Roxy looked at the ground.

“Okay, got it. Thanks. Calliope, could I get your view on what happened before dinner?”

“Of course! Roxy and I arrived, like she told you

_Instead of veering off towards the kitchen like Roxy did, Calliope followed Dirk to the lounge. She and Dirk sat down, making small talk, until someone rang the doorbell. Dirk answered it and brought Jane and Gamzee into the lounge. Calliope hadn’t formally met Gamzee until then, but she had heard Roxy talk about him before. She had met Jane before at the family gatherings Jake and Dirk hosted often. Jake rejoined the group a bit later and Dirk immediately stuck to his side like glue. Jade arrived next, then Dave and Karkat, then finally Rose and Kanaya. Shortly after the last guests arrived and Dave and Karkat started arguing, Jake pulled Dirk aside for a moment. He returned a minute later, without Dirk, and asked to speak with Dave._

_“Karkles, you should be jealous. I’m not sure how well I’ll be able to resist English’s charms when I’m alone with him.” Dave lifted his glasses slightly and winked at Jake. “But yeah, sure, man.” They left. A few minutes later, they returned, and Jake asked for Jade. The two of them went into the hallway, coming back into the lounge a few minutes later. Jake announced that it was time for them to eat, and everyone went to the dining room._

“Ok. Callie. Now that we’re in the dining room and I’m there too, can I finish telling the story?” Roxy grinned at her girlfriend. “Pleeeease?”

“Of course, love.”

“So we were all eating. Dinner actually really good. Jake served it on some fancy platter thing like in movies, with a cover on it for maximal fanciness. And I guess so it was a surprise or something? I already knew what it was though, because I was in the kitchen for like, the whole night.

_Roxy took the fancy cover off of her soup. Fuck yeah, she thought. Soup’s incredible. Especially this soup, probably. She tried it, slurping loudly. Fuck yeah, this soup was so damn incredible. Everything was incredible, which she loudly yelled across the table to Jane. Jane stared at her with distaste. She finished eating and continued yelling things about soup and how cool Callie was. Some people left, maybe. She thought she heard a crash or something. Or like, a gunshot maybe. Then, she finished her wine._

_“It’s wiiiine o’clock!” She yelled, stumbling slightly on her way to the kitchen in an attempt to get more wine._

“So I went into the kitchen and I got some more wine and then I went home with Callie.” Roxy ended her story abruptly.

“Really? Why’d you need to leave so quickly?” Terezi was a little confused.

“I remembered a Youtube thing I needed to do. I’m a Youtuber, by the way.” Terezi was also now a little more than suspicious. 

“One last question: How did Jake English die?”

“He was poisoned? I think that’s what Rose said.” Strange, thought Terezi.

“You can go now. I think I need to check out the kitchen.”

“Great! Bye, Terezi!” Roxy waved at Terezi as she walked out of the room with Calliope. 

Terezi walked back to the lounge, which she managed to do on her own, and asked Rose to help her find the kitchen. Rose agreed and Terezi followed her into a room off of the dining room. Terezi glanced around the room and Rose went back to the lounge.

The kitchen was fairly tastefully decorated, and Terezi wasted no time searching it. She first checked in the fridge. Inside was food, as was expected. Somewhat less expected was the assortment of shitty swords inside. Also guns, apparently. Of course, thought Terezi. Who doesn’t keep their weapons inside their fridge. She walked over to the counter, noting the bottle of wine on the floor as well as the purple-red stain Roxy must have slipped on. Her story seemed to check out. 

On the counter was a knocked over pepper shaker with flecks of pepper around it, its white counterpart sitting upright. The only other thing on the counter was a small, also knocked over box of… Terezi bent over, making sure she saw the label clearly. Yep. strychnine. 

She next looked in the cabinets, finding plates, bowls, and a bottle of really strong sleeping pills. The plot thickened. Yet again. Honestly, she wasn’t sure she would be able to take any more surprises. She scanned the room, looking for anything she missed and hoping there wasn’t something else. Once she was satisfied she had found all the clues she could, she went back into the lounge. 

“Dave and Karkat, could I talk to you next?” They followed her back into the study.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from the abyss and I brought shitty Davekat jokes

“So Karkalicious and I were walking to the party, right?” Dave started speaking before Terezi had asked anything.

“Dave. What are you doing. This “private eye” or whatever hasn’t said anything to us yet.” Karkat interrupted him before he could flashback.

“No, I was going to ask you guys about what happened the night of the party anyway.” Terezi resented the insinuation that she was a “private eye”. She was a private eye, no quotes around it. 

“Thank you. Now, as I was saying before I was so RUDELY INTERRUPTED,” Dave glared at Karkat. “Karkat and I were walking to the party.

_ Dave and Karkat arrived at the party sort of late, but not as late as Kanaya and Rose. Dave knew his sister and knew she loved to be “dramatic” so of course she was arriving late. Dirk answered the door, and he and Dave nodded at each other. Karkat said “Hello” or some other lameass greeting. Dave and Dirk, however, were too cool for that. They went to the living room, where everybody but Jane and Roxy sat. A few seconds later, Jake and Jane walked back into the room. Kanaya and Rose arrived, and Dave said something hilarious, as always, and Karkat said something dumb because he’s a prick with no sense of humor and- _

“DAVE, WHAT THE FUCK” Karkat interrupted, loudly.

“I don’t hear you denying it,” Dave smirked.

“Dave, I swear. You are the most annoying person I know. Why the fuck did I even marry you?” Karkat stopped yelling, regaining his composure slightly.

“That’s not what you said last night.” Terezi could have sworn she saw Dave wink behind his mirrored glasses.

“What the fuck? That doesn’t even make sense-” Terezi interrupted Karkat before the argument could progress.

“Dave, Rose said that Jake talked to you about something.” It wasn’t so much a question as a statement, but it got the conversation back on track.

“Yeah. He said he knew my comics were traced.” 

“Are they?” Terezi was skeptical. She had seen his comics. They were funny, but they weren’t exactly the Mona Lisa.

“Nah. I mean, pretty much everyone thinks they are. I’m not going to disprove them. It sort of works in my favor if my fans think my drawings are shitty tracings. Adds to the irony, y’know?” Terezi did not know.

“Can you continue telling me about the night of the murder?” 

“Yeah, sure.” Dave wound up for what Terezi assumed to be another long-winded monologue. “After I got back, we went to di-'' It was fairly short-lived, however, because Karkat interrupted him almost immediately. 

“Shut up, fuckass. I’m telling the rest of the story.” Terezi sighed, really hoping this “adorable” banter wouldn’t go on for much longer. “Dave came back, and then Jade left for some reason

_ Jade came back from her shitty talk with Jake, looking way worse than usual, which was an impressive feat. Then Jake told them it was time for dinner, and so they went to the dining room. Jake said he was going to make an announcement later. Dirk wasn’t there for some reason. Karkat thought he was probably watching some shitty anime for weebs or messing with his sword. _

Dave laughed loudly at this, and Karkat glared at him and went back to his story.

_ They ate, and then kept talking for some reason. Jake didn’t make any announcements, but Karkat assumed he had forgotten. He left a few minutes later, saying his stomach hurt or something. Seriously, thought Karkat. It was his damn party, the least he could do was stay there and entertain them or some shit. John left a few minutes later for something, and Karkat heard a crash. Fucking idiot probably walked into a door or some shit. He came back downstairs and Jade left next. She went to get Jake to go shoot some shit because they were both trigger happy nutjobs. He only heard one gunshot when Jade went to get Jake, but it came from upstairs for some reason. It seemed really weird to him, but he didn’t question it. He’d spent too much time with Dave’s family to question anything that ever happened with them. Roxy and Jane left the table next, Roxy because she was a fucking alcoholic and Jane because of her weird crush on her brother, leaving her sad clown boy-toy to fend for himself in a room full of annoyingly snarky Strider-English family members. Roxy returned from the kitchen and dragged Callie out the door. And then- _

“And then we fucked in the bathroom!” Dave interjected.

“Dave SHUT UP. I was GETTING THERE.” Karkat resumed monologuing. 

_ And THEN Dave said something annoyingly obscene to Karkat at the dinner table. Karkat sighed and decided it would be easier to just go along with Dave, so they went upstairs. _

“And THEN we fucked in the bathroom” Dave grinned.

“DAVE. Shut the FUCK UP.” Karkat looked significantly more red than before. 

“Rose said she heard a thump?” Terezi tried to change the subject. “What was that?”

“This dumbass tripped on his brother’s shitty sword.” Karkat pointed his thumb at Dave. “And then he fucking chucked it into his brother’s room. 

“And what happened after you went downstairs and Dave stayed upstairs?” Terezi pretended to write something down in the notebook she was holding. She was, in fact, drawing a picture of Dave. She wondered if she could get him to autograph it for her.

“I actually had to piss.” Dave shrugged. “I definitely didn’t murder English or anybody else at the party.”

“So then basically, Dave came back downstairs and acted like a cocky asshole until Rose went upstairs and started screaming. And then we left.” Karkat finished his story. Finally, thought Terezi. That rant went on for entirely too long.

“Ok, one last question. How did Jake die?”

Karkat responded with “I don’t fucking know.” at the same time as Dave said, “He got impaled with a katana.”

“How the fuck did you know that?” Karkat looked at Dave weirdly.

“Oh. Um.” Dave coughed. “Rose told me.”

“Great, thanks. You can leave now. Send in Jade” Terezi shooed Dave and Karkat out of the room before either of them could make any more annoying remarks.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy international fanworks day! I watched Knives Out for the third time and got some more inspiration

Terezi stared down Jade, who was sitting across from her with a small white dog in her lap. Jade stared back. This continued for a few minutes until Jade finally broke the silence.

“Was there anything you wanted to ask me, or did you just want to keep staring at me?” Jade looked slightly uncomfortable, which made sense, considering the intensity of Terezi’s stare. Also the fact that her brother had been murdered a few nights before. 

“Oh. Right. Can you tell me what happened the night Jake died?”

“Sure! I went to the party with Bec, and we got there before

_ Jade walked to the door with Bec and rang the doorbell, being quickly greeted by Jake and Dirk.  _

_ “Jade! It’s a pleasure to see you! Here, we’re all in the lounge. Follow me!” Jake rushed up to Jade and hugged her before grabbing her hand and walking towards the lounge. _

_ “It’s great to see you too, Jake!” Jade followed along after her brother, Dirk trailing awkwardly behind. They entered the lounge, where Jane, John, and Callie were sitting. Jade greeted them and sat down. Dave and Karkat arrived a few minutes later. Jade was actually pretty close to Karkat and was glad he was there. Finally, Rose and Kanaya arrived. Jake told them it was time to eat, and- _

“Wait, wait, wait, hold up. Didn’t Jake talk to you about something before that?” Terezi inquired.

“Oh, right! I almost forgot about that. He did.” Jade smiled.

“What did he say?”

“Um, well, he talked about how he believed in my dog breeding business, and how he thought it was doing well enough and-” Terezi cut her off.

“So he pulled his ‘investment money’?”

“Yeah… But I swear, I have enough money to stay afloat for a little while, at least. I would never kill him!” Jade vehemently defended herself. 

“Ok, interesting. Continue, please.” 

“Got it! So, Jake told us it was time for supper,

_ They all went into the dining room except for Dirk, who was missing for some reason. Jake brought out some soup, and Jade loved it, although apparently not as much as Roxy. Bec seemed to like it too, as Jade fed him some bacon bits from her soup. Jake left a few minutes later for his room, which worried Jade slightly. Jake was tough and didn’t get sick often. John left the table, and Jade heard a loud thwump from the stairs. Several minutes later, Jade decided to go check on Jake, as she hadn’t seen him in a while and was concerned. Plus, she needed to take Bec for a walk, and Jake probably needed some fresh air. _

“Some of the others said something about a gunshot from upstairs?”

“Well, I usually bring my guns everywhere.” Jade smiled innocently. Terezi was honestly kind of scared and wondered exactly what was in Jade’s purse. “I’m always very careful, but occasionally they go off accidentally. While I was heading upstairs, one of them went off into the wall, across from Jake.” Terezi was honestly sort of confused by this because she was almost sure she would have noticed another bullet hole during her investigation. “I checked on Jake, and he was fine but didn’t want to go outside. Then, I went outside alone.

_ Jade walked out the front door and around the house a few times with Bec, opting not to hit the shooting range without Jake, before going back inside. She returned to the table and exchanged pleasantries again. Roxy left a bit later, followed quickly by Jane. Roxy went to get more wine from the kitchen. Jane went to check on Jake. Roxy returned first and left quickly with Callie. Jane came back next and said something trite about Jake. Karkat looked at Jade and faked gagging. Jade giggled.  _

_ Next, Dave and Karkat left. Jade sighed. She loved both of them, but they were not subtle about their relationship and it made everyone uncomfortable. Jade tried to avoid the awkwardness by mentioning the wine. Karkat came back downstairs a bit later, looking slightly unkempt and very red. _

_ “Welcome back, Karkat,” Jade smirked at him. _

_ “Shut up,” Karkat said quietly, blushing more than Jade knew was possible. Dave got back to the table after a few minutes. Rose left last, going up to the study and screaming.  _

“And that’s pretty much it!” Jade seemed pretty chipper, considering.

“Ok, cool. By the way, do you know how Jake died?”

“Oh! He was sh- I’m not sure, actually” Terezi stared at her. “So, if you’re done questioning me, I’ll see myself out.” Jade got up and started walking out of the room

“Can you get John for me?” Terezi called after her.

“Yep!” Jade ducked her head back in for a second and smiled before returning to the lounge.


End file.
